That's one way to get rid of the neighbors...

#1
Riding a bus while trying to have a marketing conference call w/ the Spokane office via video chat. I'm wearing some sort of restrictive clothing (corset?) and can barely breathe.

#2
I get out of bed to meet the plumbing contractor. The rains have flooded my yard overnight and I now live next to a raging river.

I'm tired of this muthereffing dude in my muthereffing dream!

#1
Samuel L. Jackson & Danny DeVito are slowly approaching me/coming after me. The lights are on in the room but something has happened that has blinded them. I'm climbing over theater chairs to get away.

#2
At a hafla in a giant gymnasium. Everyone's backed up against the walls so we can all participate in a group dance. My side of the room is full of hyper-emotional gay men who are more interested in shopping than dancing.

 

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Note: Hafla= party (in Arabic).

Teamwork. It prevents lupus.

#1
I'm on/in/watching an episode of House. There's a guest doctor in the hospital and he gives the team a pep talk about helping each other out. He says something about "when one falls you help pull them up."  The team is so inspired they decide to go for a run together. When one falls behind, the rest pull them along. When they finally stop running they've managed to cross several states.

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Note: Interesting. Two House-related dreams in a short amount of time. At least it's still not lupus.

I actually had another dream last night involving my friend Dave and the house I grew up in. I would have included it in today's blog, but here's the kicker: I only DREAMED that I woke up and wrote it down! Crazy, huh?

Awww, look at the kitty!

#1
At the base of a hill. I have three options. I can walk up the smooth part, run up the hilly part, or take an ATV over the really rocky part. I'm supposed to choose the option that will get me to the top fastest.

#2
Working at the animal shelter. Not like washing puppies or anything-- doing my real-life, normal job inside the animal shelter. Reena's sitting at her desk next to me in the hallway. Mike and Ali are working inside the glass-walled room where they keep all the cats. I walk up to the room for a closer look. A puppy has found a way to sneak into the cat shelter and is being pounced upon by several kittens.

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Note: Big thanks to Kevin and Stowe for pimping my blog in their awesome web comic this morning. The pressure to deliver high energy, entertaining dreams is on!

Pretty sure dream #1 is based on an episode of Biggest Loser I watched earlier this week. The contestants could climb up and down a massive amount of stairs for 5 points, or take the trolley up the hill for 1 point. First person to 100 points won a car.

Dream #2 is most likely inspired by the trip I took to the Humane Society earlier this week. I've decided to get a cat and wanted to make sure I was fully prepared (financially, scheduling-wise, etc.). I wandered through the "cattery" and wanted to take at least half of them home that day.

It's never lupus.

#1
I am at my childhood best friend's house. There is a little girl in a purple princess costume looking up at me. She kind of looks like Audrey. She informs me that she isn't a princess, she's a doctor, and I do not have lupus.

Territorial Samurai

#1
Running a 5k, but it's basically laps around the inside of a mall. My mom and step dad are there watching. Every time I pass them they try and get me to stop and try things on.

#2
Something involving kittens and Suze telling me I can't take one home until they're old enough to make noise.

#3
Walking through the woods at a state park or something. I walk up to the bathrooms and they're blocked by a group of samurai saying I can't use this bathroom and have to go back down the hill to the other bathrooms.

Snookiing. It's a verb meaning "to Snooki".

#1
Walking through a mall. I get all turned around and end up in a salon. I visit with the staff for a while and one of them jokes about "Snookiing" me. I ask what the hell Snookiing is and he says it means to spray with self tanner.

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Note: To my dearly devoted blog readers (both of you): Please know that I have not forsaken you. This last week I've either been too tired to remember my dreams, or they were so bizarre that I think you'd be more disturbed than entertained.

But I'm back... and once again dreaming about something I know nothing about. I am aware that Jersey Shore exists, but I've never seen an episode or watched an interview. But I do recall Snooki being parodied on SNL's Weekend Update... maybe that's it.

Addendum: I would like to point out that while I have still not dreamed of Sarah Palin, I am making up new words in my dreams.

Vegas, baby!

#1
Walking through Treasure Island with Brian and Brittany. I say something to the effect of, "I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but despite the whole 'pirate' thing, I've never stayed at Treasure Island." They inform me that I have mentioned that. More than once.

#2
Still in Vegas, but this time it's with Amanda and we're there for a theater/acting convention. I miss the last workshop to pick Suze & DJ up at the airport. Some how I end up getting to watch a sneak peek/ rehearsal of Glee.

Croutons, Chick Flicks and Michael Jackson

#1
Cleaning up after family photos with Suze & DJ. DJ's in the front yard trying to make croutons by frying several pieces of bread on a BBQ. He keeps tossing the soggy/overly buttered pieces out. I find this very frustrating, as I keep telling him that I'm hungry and would gladly eat them. Suze's grandma then yells at me not to forget my lily plant.

#2
Walking through a movie theater. Not 100% sure of the movie being shown but it looks like Eat Pray Love. The theater is packed. I end up sitting on the floor with a bunch of people who are obviously part of a book club. Two women down in front begin to argue loudly. Looks like it might turn into a fist fight. I look around for somewhere else to sit.

#3
In the TV room of my grandparents' old house. There are about a dozen people with me. We're all there to learn the steps for Michael Jackson's Thriller dance. We're supposed to be performing Thriller at some sort of upcoming stadium flash mob. One of the people (Michaela Ripley) gets up to demonstrate the choreography and it's nothing like the actual Thriller dance. We agree, as a group, that this particular choreography is stupid. 

Perhaps sushi is the key...

#1
Trying to organize a weekly get together with Suze & DJ, Jules & Amanda, and Julie & Jason. I suggest we get together and watch episodes of "A Bit of Fry and Laurie".  Somehow this degenerates into a search of YouTube videos involving Hugh Laurie and an Auto-Tune.

#2
I'm standing outside the house I grew up in. I'm being told I need to finish coming up with an idea for SCATS. I suggest a "bring us up to speed" comic that summarizes all the previous comics. Mainly, I'm suggesting this so I don't have to write anything.

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Note: See, outside stimuli CAN affect my dreams. Last night I had sushi with the creators and fans of SCATS, a web comic featured weekly on feedtacoma.com. The event included a quiz and whoever won the quiz got to pick the setting for the next round of comics. I didn't win (not even close).

Also, earlier this week I was watching a documentary on Eddie Izzard and he mentioned being in a college comedy troupe that was in direct competition with the Footlights, the comedy troupe of Cambridge University (which included Stephen Fry and Hugh Laurie). I had also recently added all 4 seasons of "A Bit of Fry and Laurie" to my Netflix queue. Haven't watched them yet.

Death by Fashion

#1
The Old Navy Fairy (an angry man in his 20s, wearing a black t-shirt) is crouched on my bed and throwing Old Navy order-by-mail bags at my head as I'm lying there. This makes me very upset because I know that all of the clothes in the bags are too big for me. He then tries to suffocate me with one of the bags.

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Note: I have no idea where the "Old Navy Fairy" came from, but I did have a problem with my last Old Navy order being too big and having to return everything. It was a nice ego boost, but also kind of sucked because I couldn't exchange the items for smaller sizes. I could only return them and buy new ones (which were no longer on sale). Lame.

Additional note: This dream was from Friday night. I spent the rest of the weekend incredibly short on sleep so if I dreamed anything, I couldn't tell ya.

It's a bird! It's a plane!

#1
It's night time and I'm standing at the edge of a cliff looking up at the stars. I notice one that's much larger than the others. It has an orange glow. It starts getting bigger and bigger and I realize it's a meteor. I watch as it comes down and crashes near me. There's dust everywhere and I can feel the heat coming off of it. I walk toward the crater and there's a baby Superman with blonde curly hair sitting there looking at me.

 

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Note: Imagine the baby with blonder and curlier hair. That's how friggin creepy it was.

Dreaming of Sarah Palin?

#1
At Showcase in Hillsboro. Walk onstage to perform my trio piece and the entire center of the stage is missing. We try to dance anyway but Nick falls off the edge of the stage and our music stops playing. I ask my instructor if we can just start over or try again at a later time but she won't let me.

#2
This one's pretty disjointed but I remember my friend Lisa and her kids walking through some sort of tunnel and out onto a stage. I follow but the stage is very slippery and my shoes won't grip so I slide right off the edge of the stage. I do, however, land on my feet.

#3
In some sort of industrial kitchen with Brittany and Ali (2 of my co-workers). We need to leave but the only way out is up. I'm the only one wearing sneakers so I climb up a wall of fish aquariums and help pull them up.

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Note: Yesterday, co-workers Ali and Glen conspired to make me dream about Sarah Palin. Ali started by providing factoids such as the year she was born and the fact that she was the youngest governor of Alaska. Glen started sneaking pictures of Sarah Palin into my purse, on my desk, and in the pocket of my coat. Another co-worker changed his chat avatar to a pic of Sarah Palin, figuring that subtlety was the way to go. I left work and headed to dance practice, but even my dance buddies were talking about Sarah Palin!

However, last night I didn't dream about anything even remotely related to Sarah Palin.

Cuz I'm a maverick, bitchez.

Kate Gosselin climbs like a monkey.

#1
I am at my high school reunion which is set in some sort of stadium. There are pop up canopies everywhere with groups of people standing under them. My canopy includes myself, Suze, and some girls I went to school with (Aubrey Bean, Natalie Heckman, and Rebekka Gunther). Apparently we've decided to form a band and have grabbed a guy from the next tent over because he knows how to play the drums.

#2
I'm at Jimmy T's in Kent, WA for the upcoming Michael Jackson bellydance show. The place is packed. The first act performs and then I get up to talk about how the idea for the show came to be. I get ready to announce the next act, which turns out to be 3 drag kings in light-up Elvis suits. They come out and start dancing to a mashup of Cold Hard Bitch and some song by AC/DC that I can't remember.

#3
I'm at Home Depot and someone has built an obstacle course. I am competing against Kate Gosselin and some other girl I don't recognize. One of the challenges involves climbing up a giant ladder and down the other side. After the competition is over (I don't think I won) I decide I want to run the course again, but someone has taken the ladder over to the lumber department. I chase them and try to explain that they can't just steal the ladder, we're in the middle of a competition! They explain that they have no choice; they need to bring some lumber down from one of the higher racks. I try to find one of my old coworkers in order to complain.

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Note: This is a combination of last night's dream (#1) and a couple from the weekend. I actually had way more dreams than this, but I can't always remember enough to justify a blog entry. For instance, about a week ago I had a dream with comedian Dane Cook in it. I would have written about it, but the only thing I could remember was him going off on a tangent about Hungarians.  Another problem is that sometimes I dream truly depressing stuff that I don't feel is appropriate to share. This is supposed to be entertaining, not a downer.

Also, one of my co-workers sent me a cell phone pic of bacon right before I went to sleep last night. Sorry Mark. No bacon dreams.

I don't know what bluegrass looks like

#1
New Year's celebration at some sort of stadium (Cheney?). I'm helping to decorate the main stage. It's a bluegrass theme and will be emceed by Dolly Parton. There are hundreds of people milling around. I have to go back to the beergarden for a new wristband. Everyone starts heading out to the field to get a good spot for the fireworks show, even though the show doesn't start for 5 hours.

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Ok, who saw "Dolly Parton" and immediately thought this dream was gonna be about boobs? I knew it. I am so disappointed in you...

I will name him George

#1
Am on some sort of lame game show. 3 teams: Jules & Amanda, Brandy & Kyle, and Suze, DJ and I. Jules & Amanda win a cruise. Brandy & Kyle win a trip to the desert. Suze, DJ and I win a trip to some crappy part of California. PLUS, the trip can only be redeemed 2 months out of the year (I forget which months, but they were stupid). I go to complain about the prize and an employee confesses that the show is out of money. The only other option is a "fancy dinner" prize that is actually a (thawed) frozen chicken that they stole from a homeless guy who'd been keeping it as a pet.

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Note: New pen w/ built in light works awesome!

Is it an alligator or a crocodile?

#1
There's a sheep in the river. Suze wants to save it but she's being chased by an alligator or crocodile (we seems to be arguing over which one it is). We manage to lock it in the garage. My friend's parents are there and want to know what's for lunch.

#2
There's a pounding on the door and a woman yelling that she's quit drinking. I yell at her to leave or I'll call the police. I go outside and there's a group of people dressed like they're from Alice in Wonderland. A huge fist fight breaks out. I keep trying to call 911 but my cell keeps calling B11.

#3
I'm working back at Spencer's at the mall, but only for 3 hours a day. I see my old coworker Shadlow and Deej (who never worked there). My ex-boyfriend Don is lurking around the mall as well.

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Note: This may not be exactly what I dreamed but I'm deciphering several days worth of half coherent scribblings, many of which were written on top of each other. I have ordered a pen with a built in light so hopefully this will help the situation a bit.

Must be sober enough to sign your name.

#1
Johanna, Lisa and Linda had formed a burlesque troupe that was supposed to perform at a house party. They needed me to sign for the catering but I had to pass a breathalyzer test first.

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Yeah. No idea where this came from but the burlesque part might have had something to do with a club in Seattle I was telling some friends about last week.

My love for movies runs deep

#1
Dreamed an alternate scene from the movie Sphere. Sharon Stone was telling Dustin Hoffman that he had just spent an hour inside the sphere. Then she smothered him by hugging his head very tightly. 

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Note: This is the second dream (since I started keeping track of them) where I have dreamed a scene from a movie (you can read about the first one here).  Funny thing is, I can't remember the last time I watched Sphere. The book was great. The movie... not so much.

Additional Note: I had planned on posting a weekend recap on Monday but got distracted packing for a work trip. I guess I'll save it for nights I don't remember any of my dreams (or can't read my own notes. Writing in the dark is tough).

It was the scallop mousse!

#1
None of your damn business.

#2
This one's a little fuzzy but I remember sitting in a restaurant. There's a woman sitting across from me talking about the piece of food on her plate. It is a scallop mousse with little pearls of something (roe? Actually looks like those little scrubby beads you find in facial cleanser ) floating in it. She is complaining that it isn't prepared properly, that he spoon should just float through it.

#3
Looks like the company retreat (but it's not). Kirk stands up and wants to read a poem that he and Kacie have written. Can't remember if he actually read the poem to me.

This is not a scallop mousse. These are just scallops. But I'm hungry and they looked good.

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Continuing the experiment on how outside stimuli affects my dreams, my friend Ali decided to bombard me with a word yesterday in hopes that it would make it into my dream. That word was "synergy". Not sure if it's because synergy isn't a real thing, or just because I freaking hate that word, but it did not make it into my dreams last night. Will try again with something more tangible.

Apparently my boss likes Ginuwine

#1
In Spokane for a conference. I mention to my boss that I don't know all the lyrics for "Pony" by Ginuwine. He starts reciting them as I scribble them down on a Post-It.

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Note: New feature! This is where I reveal whether my dreams were influenced by anything in real life. In this particular case, I had heard "Pony" by Ginuwine on my way to Zumba class last night. Interestingly enough, it was also the first song I heard when I started my car this morning.

Zhaabi? Shumba? Better ask Mr. Bean.

#1
Was at the Shaabi (bellydance) workshop I'm supposed to be attending this weekend. Somehow it ended up being a giant Zumba class.

#2
Went to see Suze to check out her new car. Rather than the '99 station wagon I was expecting, she was driving a Mr. Bean car where the steering wheel unfolded out of the glove box. And it had one of those storage pods strapped to the top of the car but was off kilter because she parked too close to a low hanging tree branch. Her brother in law decided to join us for a drive. We were driving down River Road in Puyallup and thought we saw a tornado on the other side of the river. Turned out to be a tanker truck fire.

Tina Fey's a lot shorter in person.

#1
A lady I used to work with and a guy I hung out with last night were standing in front of me in wet suits... because they wanted to go into the hot tub.


#2
Tina Fey, wearing the dress she wore in Date Night, was the size of a parakeet and was in my bird cage. She was trying to crawl out so I held my finger up as a perch in front of her to help. 


#3
At Cindy's house with Manda for another Mary Kay facial. Cindy wanted to get rid of all her yellow/banana flavored lipstick so there was a pile of yellow tubes in front of me. There was also a teenage girl I didn't recognize sitting at the table, talking about car repair.

Welcome to my twisted nighttime brain.

I woke up at 4:30 this morning after a handful of truly bizarre dreams (that I can't remember because I didn't write them down) and thought to myself, "I should really start a blog about all the random crap I dream. When I tell people about them, they're usually amused (and occasionally disturbed). This could be fun!"

When I was about 19 I kept a dream journal for a while. I did not then (nor do I now) believe that dreams have special meaning and if you dream about a toadstool it means that you're dealing with pressures from your boss at work. I just thought they were really strange and I wanted to record them in some way before daylight erased them from my memory.

Since I don't sleep near my laptop and can't guarantee I'd type anything coherent even if I did, I will keep a notepad and pen near my bed and try to make an effort to write down what I dreamed. Later, when I have time, I will decipher my scribblings and type them up for your entertainment.

Here's a dream a I had a couple days ago. I remember it because it was Glee related.

#1
Finn from Glee was my boyfriend. However, Taylor Swift convinced him that he was gay so he broke up with me.

which transitioned into

#2
I dreamed/watched about half of the Rocky Horror Picture Show. The musical numbers I remember dreaming about were the Time Warp, Dammit Janet, Hot Patootie, and Wild and Untamed Thing.