Chicken Killa

#1
I had a dream that I was being forced to move to Spokane. Not only that, but I was going to have to live in some sort of communal arrangement with my coworkers as an old barn is converted into office space. I look down the road and see Brian and Ken climbing a spiral staircase inside a tower. I find that if I point the camera on my phone at them, I can hear what they're saying, and it's displayed on the screen of my phone like subtitles. And then a little girl shows me how to snap a chicken's neck.

Don't Forget the $20 Sandwich

#1

Tristan and I are in Vegas but something's not right because our hotel room is on the first floor and I can see the pool out window. I'm upset by this because I wanted a room on a higher floor, overlooking the Strip. I ask Tristan why he didn't try the $20 sandwich trick when we checked in and he says he forgot. I go to the lobby desk to try and fix the situation. 

Going on vacation in just over 2 weeks. Guess my subconscious is counting down the days just as much as I am. Planning on trying the $20 sandwich trick when I get there to see if I can get a better room.

A Wedding and a Murder

#1
At Shontina's wedding on an army base. She's wearing this floofy white dress covered with huge metal decorations. She says it's some sort of Greek tradition. Before the actual ceremony she changes into a different wedding dress. At the reception, her dad shoots Finn from Glee with Rachel's gun.

Poor Finn.

Claire Danes Knows About Hedgehogs

#1
I'm looking through my list of Facebook friends and come across someone I don't recognize. He has some dumb name like "Farmerman Dan" that doesn't really help me identify him. I go to find him in person. I track him down to this house in the middle of nowhere with no electricity and no running water. He's part of a metal band and I realize he's the friend of some guy my friend Amanda dated like 10 years ago. I leave the house and find a hedgehog in the yard. I'm worried that the little guy might be dehydrated since there's no running water in the house. I drive to a strip mall and knock on the door of a pet store. It's closed for the night, but Claire Danes opens the door anyway and takes a look at the hedgehog for me.

Claire Danes is on the right

Elephants and Jodie Foster

#1
At work but the office is very dark. Am trying to play "Too Close" by Alex Clare for my coworkers. I have my iPod up as loud as it will go and am halfway through the song before I realize it's the wrong one.

#2
At a zoo(?). An elephant has spotted Annie through a window and keeps trying to get closer to her. Eventually the elephant gets loose/breaks out and picks Annie up in its trunk. It's not hurting her -- more like it just really wanted to give her a hug. 

 Kinda like this. Photo by Robin Schwartz.

#3
Watching people get ready for some sort of fun run. They're lined up in groups/waves and I watch them take off. Suddenly it's my turn, and the run has turned into an obstacle course/scavenger hunt thing. I have to find a softball hidden in a bookshelf, then climb up the bookshelf and along the top. Next thing I know I'm out on the street and I have to watch a clip of a Jodie Foster movie and write down two plot points before I can move onto the next task. 

Nobody likes a mullet

#1
Getting ready to watch a (drag?) show. The room has very few tables and just a bunch of exercise equipment like universal gyms and stuff. I try to find a table because Mel is meeting me for the show.

#1.5
Mel shows up and it's obvious that she's tried to emulate Katie's haircut (very short), but it's looking very mullet-like and she's quite unhappy. I call Angela and ask her if she can help Mel if the place she got it cut can't fix it.

Jai REALLY likes Ben Savage

#1
Jai is wearing a giant white fluffy bathrobe with his friends' names embroidered in gold down the lapels and a portrait of Ben Savage on the back. But when he takes off the robe, he has the same thing tattooed on his body.

Photo source: www.nndb.com

#2
Riding in a shitty old van with someone. We're headed to a junk yard for some reason. Up ahead I can see a burly tattooed guy with only one leg. He's using a shovel as a crutch and has fallen over. He's struggling to get back up as another one legged man approaches him. I tap the arm of the guy driving the van and point out the guy on the ground so he doesn't hit him.

#3
The junk yard turns into a boat dealership and Sarah A. from high school is working behind the counter. She's trying to get me to go to a bar (hotel?) for something and I get the impression it's a prank. I decline, saying I don't handle embarrassment well.

Guest Post: Cat-Sized Hippos on a Plane!

"So i flew on a giant plane last night that was piloted by George Clooney and patrolled by a security team of 7 year old girls in princess dresses and two cat-sized hippos. Oh, and there was a restaurant on the plane that was serving biscuits and gravy...and when i said it was a giant airplane, I'm not kidding. More like a giant flying ferry, room to walk around...different levels and sections (all based on your ticket price, of course)."

I love when people share their own weird dreams with me. This one came from a coworker.

You Can't Put Grapes in Crepes

#1
I wake up at the company retreat in time for breakfast. I suddenly realize I haven't bought enough fruit for the crepes that Mark's going to make. I start panicking because people are coming in for breakfast. I walk outside and quickly try to think of the nearest town where I can find fruit, but it would take me at least an hour to get there and back. I look over my shoulder and there just happens to be a produce stand on the lodge property. I walk inside and the next thing I know, I have two handfuls of blueberries and I'm trying to figure out where to take them. Mark's ahead of me, washing salad. Kirk's grabbing handfuls of grapes and I'm yelling at him that you can't put grapes inside of crepes.

Image Source

These are the things that wake me up at 4 a.m.

Truth

Source

Guest Post: Mom's Got a Ghost Christmas Tree

From my voicemail:

Hi Sweetheart. I woke up a little while ago after having this strange - pleasant - but mildly strange dream, that included you! I'm cleaning up Christmas lights and decorations and crap, as well as folding clothes and putting them into a bag. And I've been on the phone to Pauline and Dad's been on the phone to Bill discussing storage a storage closet up in Bill's attic. It's all kind of mundane and weird because none of it has to do with the house that I'm living in - that includes a ghost Christmas tree. Yeah, the house looks kind of mansion-y... sort of, it's a big house, and there's a ghost Christmas tree! Now with effort, you can move it, but you can also put your hand right through it. I don't understand that...it's never explained, but it is kind of a strange sort of thing.

  Anyway, I'm working around it and I'm cleaning up other supplies and trying to get them into bags and you and Dad have come across some old albums...there's a cut or two on them that's like "Santana Playing Christmas Music" and so part of it's playing Santana with some sort of Christmas music as part of what he's doing and that's kind of pleasant and odd. And you're looking around and saying, you know, this old house we're living in" - it's a pretty good sized house, you're saying, "This would have made a great place for a graduation party." And I said, "Yeah, it would have. You know, a couple hundred pizzas or so...and lots of kids playing and singing..." and I said "But you're out of high school now, and so, you know, there's not going to be high school parties here." 

And you're looking surprisingly like Drew Barrymore. I don't quite understand that...I think it's because I think of her as looking like a very lovely and polished young woman, and truth is, that's how I think of you.

So...I'm looking at... you know, we're doing this and I said "Well, you know, you're not in high school anymore, but it would make for a really good place for some kind of a big holiday party for homeless kids and maybe some low income. And I'm thinking yeah, we could afford a couple thousand pizzas...when I woke up I said "No, we cannot afford a couple thousand pizzas. That's twenty grand. But a couple hundred pizzas, yeah we could probably pull that off." And I'm thinking ... you know when I'm dreaming...and I'm telling you "yeah, we can afford lots of pizzas" and I'm looking at you and you say "you know, it's a year 'til Christmas, that means you got 6-7 months to get this planned and get other sponsors on board. It's your event. You want to do it, go for it."

And then I woke up. It was a very odd dream. It was kind of a "hanging in the air". Am I suggesting you ought to do that? No, not particularly, unless that was something you wanted to do. But I thought it was such an odd dream and part of it was kind of... fussing because we're cleaning up and part of it was this wild dream that had visions back to the movie of Casper. You know, ghost Christmas trees... which I don't understand where that came from... But it was a very nice looking tree. It was green and it was covered with red and silver balls. and that was ... it was an artificial tree, too. So yeah...I could move it but it was kind of tricky because your hand tended to want to go through it. I don't understand the meaning of it or if it had any meaning at all [laughs] but it involved you, and you were looking good and the whole thing was kind of a "wow wonder what that was" so I thought I'd share it.

The End

We Are Cheerleaders

#1
Anna has enrolled in college. It's an Eastern Washington college but has a branch here in Tacoma. She informs me that she's graduated from the cheerleading program and is now an on-call cheerleader. If anyone harasses her while she's in her cheerleading skirt they can be charged with a felony. 

Already Dreaming of Halloween

#1
I'm sleeping in front of a computer. My coworker Meredith keeps IMing me celebrity names, trying to influence my dream.

#2
My parents want to sneak over to my Uncle Howard and Aunt Carol's house to scare them for Halloween (it's the night before). We go outside and the entire neighborhood has been decorated for Halloween and people are roaming around trying to scare me.

#3
I show up to work and am unlocking the door when children in costumes show up to trick-or-treat. I scramble around the office trying to find candy for them since we usually don't get trick-or-treaters, let alone first thing in the morning.

#4
Wil and Anne Wheaton are in my house. Anne has cancer and we're trying to make her laugh to cure it. Wil gets upset about something and they leave.

---

Wow. Halloween is apparently already on my brain, or at least in my subconscious. Probably because I spent a lot of time yesterday thinking about a belly dance routine I'm going to be doing for an upcoming Halloween show. Not sure about the Wil Wheaton thing. I follow him on Twitter. I also read Boing Boing and Xeni has cancer. That's the only connection I can think of.

Informative Tattoo

#1
I'm at some sort of nightclub/venue and am being asked to perform. I have a beautiful new back tattoo-- lots of flowers and vines. My friend Charlie gave it to me. As I look more closely at it in the mirror, I see that Charlie has signed it with all of his contact information (name, profession, email address, website). I get really upset that I have a business card tattooed on my back.

Image from fashsteps.com

Defeating serial killers with bible verses

#1
Andrzej and Lady Gaga have decided they like each other but I'm worried about Andrzej getting hurt. I call her cell, call her Stefani (cuz we're close like that), and explain the situation. As I'm looking up her number I walk past a huge line of people waiting to see Van Halen.

#2
Walking along a street at night with Bret. Run into Marth who is trying to avoid some sort of crazy serial killer who is reenacting scenes from Fright Night. We run into a building to try and hide but every floor has nothing but windows and the killer can see us as he drives by in his car. Killer finally comes into the building and we're engaging in hand to hand combat as I yell bible verses at him.

(Not posting a pic of Fright Night because horror movies freak me the eff out. I've never even SEEN Fright Night!)

Halloween Stores, Nascar Tattoos, and Tacos

#1 
I'm walking through the brewery district in Tacoma and see a couple people opening a warehouse. I walk up to them and they tell me they're putting in a Spirit Halloween store. I mention that I worked at a couple Spirits in the past and the next thing i know I'm the manager of this one. I call Aron to tell her.

#2 
At the Federal Way Home Depot with Joe. He's looking for conduit and couplings for some work project. I walk up to two employees cleaning up some thing that spilled on the concrete. One of them is my former coworker Susan. She has a giant tattoo of a NASCAR car surrounded by a cloud of smoke on her calf. I give her a big hug because I haven't seen her in over 4 years.

#3
I'm in the parking lot looking for Joe and he pulls up with Katie, Felicia and my dad in the car. I'm pissed because it looks like they went and got fast food without me.

#4
At some kind of gathering with my girlfriends. Julie's baby Kinley crawls over to me and I pick her up. She starts to fuss/cry and Suze takes her away from me. I say something to the effect of, "At least let me try to calm her down."

#5
I'm back at the house I grew up in and people are moving in across the street. Except there's like 30 of them and they're all hanging out the front yard and their kids are drawing on cars. I try to call the cops but Craig asks me not to. One of the girls from across the street comes over and tells me (in sign language) that she's hungry. I ask my mom to feed her tacos.

Can't build a website if the fireboat sinks

#1
I'm some place where there are a bunch of houses on the water connected by docks. My coworkers are in the houses and we're trying to finish a project. Due to some sort of technical difficulty the only way we can relay messages to each other is through an elaborate game of "telephone". I'm wandering around the docks waiting for a message from Mike so I can pass it along to Glen and notice a fireboat docked down the way. As I wander by again I notice it's sinking. Andrzej comes walking up from another house and is pissed because the people that own the fireboat are our clients and it's their fault it sank and now we can't finish the project.

#2
Brian pulls up in a big Escalade full of people, including a guy I used to work with at Home Depot (also named Mike). They ask me where Corina Bakery is and I tell them it's on 7th and Broadway. I ask other Mike why Home Depot Mike is there and he says he doesn't know why anyone invited him since he never brings beer and just drinks everyone else's.

Note: I know Corina Bakery's not on 7th and Broadway but in my dream I was convinced it was.

Baby Time!

#1
Someone's chasing me through a house. I run outside and hide under the porch behind some lattice. (I blame episodes of Burn Notice for this dream)

#2
Suze is super pregnant and ready to pop. Her stomach's rippling and I can see the baby pressing its face against the walls of her stomach like people press their faces against glass. (It was only mildly creepy looking.)

#3
I'm standing in a parking garage and get a call from DeeJay that it's time for Suze to give birth. I run outside and wait on the corner jumping up and down saying, "It's baby time! Babybabybabybabybaby." Suze and DeeJay are walking toward me from a parking lot. Suze insists that before we go to the hospital we need to stop for ice cream and get our hair done.

Cloris and Regis

#1
I drive up to the horse stable I used to work at when I was about 13. The mean old lady who lives there not only remembers me but is happy to see me. She starts to give me a tour and tells me about how she's updated the place so people can rent it out for events like weddings.

#2
I'm backstage with the dancers from the Can Can. I ask Jonny Boy if he'd give me a tattoo. He draws Cloris Leachman and Regis Philbin on my back. They're just stick figures but I know who they are. They're having a conversation and a bunch of the words in their speech bubbles are misspelled. I start panicking because I don't have the money to get this lasered off me.

Smoke Shops and Drag Queens and Emma

#1
Trying to get ready for Zoobilee and I'm running terribly late. The room I'm in overlooks a field where the party's taking place. I can see my dad and my boss already down there, sitting at a table. I'm struggling to style my hair (which is incredibly long and curly).

#2
I have a 3rd cat. He eats a mouse and a bunch of plastic wrap and throws up a mouse wrapped in plastic wrap.

#3
Back in Vegas with the girls. We're tired from the day before and I'm trying to see if we have time to visit the Grand Canyon before we drive home.

#4
I am now the owner of the smoke shop I used to work at when I was 18. Am arguing with the manager Lawrence about how things should be done around there.

#5
On some sort of road trip in Las Vegas. Am at the home of a couple drag queens and they're trying to transform me into one. Am trying to figure out how to form my mouth to look like Reba when I sing.

 This is the look I was going for.

#6
Leaving Vegas and realize I won't be able to make it all the way home that night. Am on the phone with my mom and mention looking up Emma since she lives in Eureka. I'm driving along the coast and spot Emma, Nina and Stephanie on the beach. I make a U-turn and there's lots of jumping up and down and hugging and stuff.