Guest Post: Cat-Sized Hippos on a Plane!

"So i flew on a giant plane last night that was piloted by George Clooney and patrolled by a security team of 7 year old girls in princess dresses and two cat-sized hippos. Oh, and there was a restaurant on the plane that was serving biscuits and gravy...and when i said it was a giant airplane, I'm not kidding. More like a giant flying ferry, room to walk around...different levels and sections (all based on your ticket price, of course)."

I love when people share their own weird dreams with me. This one came from a coworker.

You Can't Put Grapes in Crepes

#1
I wake up at the company retreat in time for breakfast. I suddenly realize I haven't bought enough fruit for the crepes that Mark's going to make. I start panicking because people are coming in for breakfast. I walk outside and quickly try to think of the nearest town where I can find fruit, but it would take me at least an hour to get there and back. I look over my shoulder and there just happens to be a produce stand on the lodge property. I walk inside and the next thing I know, I have two handfuls of blueberries and I'm trying to figure out where to take them. Mark's ahead of me, washing salad. Kirk's grabbing handfuls of grapes and I'm yelling at him that you can't put grapes inside of crepes.

Image Source

These are the things that wake me up at 4 a.m.

Truth

Source

Guest Post: Mom's Got a Ghost Christmas Tree

From my voicemail:

Hi Sweetheart. I woke up a little while ago after having this strange - pleasant - but mildly strange dream, that included you! I'm cleaning up Christmas lights and decorations and crap, as well as folding clothes and putting them into a bag. And I've been on the phone to Pauline and Dad's been on the phone to Bill discussing storage a storage closet up in Bill's attic. It's all kind of mundane and weird because none of it has to do with the house that I'm living in - that includes a ghost Christmas tree. Yeah, the house looks kind of mansion-y... sort of, it's a big house, and there's a ghost Christmas tree! Now with effort, you can move it, but you can also put your hand right through it. I don't understand that...it's never explained, but it is kind of a strange sort of thing.

  Anyway, I'm working around it and I'm cleaning up other supplies and trying to get them into bags and you and Dad have come across some old albums...there's a cut or two on them that's like "Santana Playing Christmas Music" and so part of it's playing Santana with some sort of Christmas music as part of what he's doing and that's kind of pleasant and odd. And you're looking around and saying, you know, this old house we're living in" - it's a pretty good sized house, you're saying, "This would have made a great place for a graduation party." And I said, "Yeah, it would have. You know, a couple hundred pizzas or so...and lots of kids playing and singing..." and I said "But you're out of high school now, and so, you know, there's not going to be high school parties here." 

And you're looking surprisingly like Drew Barrymore. I don't quite understand that...I think it's because I think of her as looking like a very lovely and polished young woman, and truth is, that's how I think of you.

So...I'm looking at... you know, we're doing this and I said "Well, you know, you're not in high school anymore, but it would make for a really good place for some kind of a big holiday party for homeless kids and maybe some low income. And I'm thinking yeah, we could afford a couple thousand pizzas...when I woke up I said "No, we cannot afford a couple thousand pizzas. That's twenty grand. But a couple hundred pizzas, yeah we could probably pull that off." And I'm thinking ... you know when I'm dreaming...and I'm telling you "yeah, we can afford lots of pizzas" and I'm looking at you and you say "you know, it's a year 'til Christmas, that means you got 6-7 months to get this planned and get other sponsors on board. It's your event. You want to do it, go for it."

And then I woke up. It was a very odd dream. It was kind of a "hanging in the air". Am I suggesting you ought to do that? No, not particularly, unless that was something you wanted to do. But I thought it was such an odd dream and part of it was kind of... fussing because we're cleaning up and part of it was this wild dream that had visions back to the movie of Casper. You know, ghost Christmas trees... which I don't understand where that came from... But it was a very nice looking tree. It was green and it was covered with red and silver balls. and that was ... it was an artificial tree, too. So yeah...I could move it but it was kind of tricky because your hand tended to want to go through it. I don't understand the meaning of it or if it had any meaning at all [laughs] but it involved you, and you were looking good and the whole thing was kind of a "wow wonder what that was" so I thought I'd share it.

The End

We Are Cheerleaders

#1
Anna has enrolled in college. It's an Eastern Washington college but has a branch here in Tacoma. She informs me that she's graduated from the cheerleading program and is now an on-call cheerleader. If anyone harasses her while she's in her cheerleading skirt they can be charged with a felony. 

Already Dreaming of Halloween

#1
I'm sleeping in front of a computer. My coworker Meredith keeps IMing me celebrity names, trying to influence my dream.

#2
My parents want to sneak over to my Uncle Howard and Aunt Carol's house to scare them for Halloween (it's the night before). We go outside and the entire neighborhood has been decorated for Halloween and people are roaming around trying to scare me.

#3
I show up to work and am unlocking the door when children in costumes show up to trick-or-treat. I scramble around the office trying to find candy for them since we usually don't get trick-or-treaters, let alone first thing in the morning.

#4
Wil and Anne Wheaton are in my house. Anne has cancer and we're trying to make her laugh to cure it. Wil gets upset about something and they leave.

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Wow. Halloween is apparently already on my brain, or at least in my subconscious. Probably because I spent a lot of time yesterday thinking about a belly dance routine I'm going to be doing for an upcoming Halloween show. Not sure about the Wil Wheaton thing. I follow him on Twitter. I also read Boing Boing and Xeni has cancer. That's the only connection I can think of.

Informative Tattoo

#1
I'm at some sort of nightclub/venue and am being asked to perform. I have a beautiful new back tattoo-- lots of flowers and vines. My friend Charlie gave it to me. As I look more closely at it in the mirror, I see that Charlie has signed it with all of his contact information (name, profession, email address, website). I get really upset that I have a business card tattooed on my back.

Image from fashsteps.com

Defeating serial killers with bible verses

#1
Andrzej and Lady Gaga have decided they like each other but I'm worried about Andrzej getting hurt. I call her cell, call her Stefani (cuz we're close like that), and explain the situation. As I'm looking up her number I walk past a huge line of people waiting to see Van Halen.

#2
Walking along a street at night with Bret. Run into Marth who is trying to avoid some sort of crazy serial killer who is reenacting scenes from Fright Night. We run into a building to try and hide but every floor has nothing but windows and the killer can see us as he drives by in his car. Killer finally comes into the building and we're engaging in hand to hand combat as I yell bible verses at him.

(Not posting a pic of Fright Night because horror movies freak me the eff out. I've never even SEEN Fright Night!)

Halloween Stores, Nascar Tattoos, and Tacos

#1 
I'm walking through the brewery district in Tacoma and see a couple people opening a warehouse. I walk up to them and they tell me they're putting in a Spirit Halloween store. I mention that I worked at a couple Spirits in the past and the next thing i know I'm the manager of this one. I call Aron to tell her.

#2 
At the Federal Way Home Depot with Joe. He's looking for conduit and couplings for some work project. I walk up to two employees cleaning up some thing that spilled on the concrete. One of them is my former coworker Susan. She has a giant tattoo of a NASCAR car surrounded by a cloud of smoke on her calf. I give her a big hug because I haven't seen her in over 4 years.

#3
I'm in the parking lot looking for Joe and he pulls up with Katie, Felicia and my dad in the car. I'm pissed because it looks like they went and got fast food without me.

#4
At some kind of gathering with my girlfriends. Julie's baby Kinley crawls over to me and I pick her up. She starts to fuss/cry and Suze takes her away from me. I say something to the effect of, "At least let me try to calm her down."

#5
I'm back at the house I grew up in and people are moving in across the street. Except there's like 30 of them and they're all hanging out the front yard and their kids are drawing on cars. I try to call the cops but Craig asks me not to. One of the girls from across the street comes over and tells me (in sign language) that she's hungry. I ask my mom to feed her tacos.